Maatstaf. Jaargang 25

[p. 9]

Lin Waterman To a dying, then dead husband and father (1974-77)

The House is Certainly Much Improved

This scruffy paradise, scuffed, worn and frayed,
is certainly much changed. Its whitewashed walls,
sternly repulsing any casual scribbler,
no longer house a godhead true or false
to and for whom so much used to be prayed.

Restocked with glasses, cups and plates,
its chairs upholstered, bolts to every screw,
one wonders how we lived in former straits:
how a nice ordinary girl like you
stood it so long - no, nor ever noticed.

What the Children Hear

The air is thick with forebodings of death.
Whenever the phone rings, it means the same:
How long, how far, how soon, how very bad,
How shall we bear our heavy hearts, our blame.

They will not tell us in plain words, they hope
we understand and don't - and so we do.
We cannot understand, cannot accept, cannot escape
Cannot reject, or cope.

‘All you Need is Love and Peace’

All you need is love and peace
All you get is war and death.
If there's anything I've said
that pleases you - think it unsaid.

[p. 10]

Haifa Bay 1949-1974

Ik wou dat ik voer op een schip op zee
Ja, dat ik stond op een schip op de ree
en de stad zag, rose en wit.
Ik wou dat alles opnieuw begon,
dat alles nog één keer nog eens kon
en met ‘alles’ bedoel ik: dit.

(...)

The first rain brings a thrill,
Always has, always will.
Then another, a thought:
The cold in your bones,
The rain on your flesh -
are you covered as well as you ought?

Balance Sheet

More and more I love you less and less.
I've had all that you had to give:
money, children and such love
as was yours to dispose of after deducting
initial outlay and certain debts.
Yes, I think I have had all.
Nor yet so little.
Still you are greatly in my debt.
It makes one wonder how to close one's books.

[p. 11]

A Glass of Brandy

I

When I look into the wadi at night,
I see no devils, no, not one.
They simply got both you and me,
They simply got us and went home
To the father of darkness. With us.

II

When I told my tale to a lawyer, he said:
Its truth is manifest.
He couldn't of course win my case, nor did.
If I went to an agent in a desperate bid,
He couldn't get recognition for me,
But he might say the same.

III

Exacting though it is nowadays
(sexually exacting),
the world could hardly expect me to
doesn't really expect me to
Doesn't expect
me
to.
How nice.
Or else, how disappointing for the world.

(...)

O kleine ergernis en groot verlangen.
Ze eten niet, of eten met de handen.
Ze leren niet en hebben rotte tanden.
Wat baat jouw blik daar aan de muur gehangen?

Geen kans meer om van jouw stroom op te laden
hart tegen hart en voorhoofd tegen voorhoofd.
Stilte. Jijzelf. Eens dagelijks geoorloofd.
Je weet het: waarom heb je mij verraden?

[p. 12]

Clear Day Ending

I have so loved this bond with you
that now is rending
Going going gone
over and done
Clear day ending.

The old bus creaks from stop to stop
seemingly unending
from the plain to the hill
from the sun into cloud
wearily ascending.

(...)

No one knows, all these weary weeks
while you patiently lie in your grave,
how far and how often I travel
to the desert, then back to you.

No one knows, while I wash those dishes
these boring days without end
like a glaring arctic day
without the solace of night
without the reward of you -
no one knows how far out, how deep down
I am flung into doubt and denial,
how far I am gone from you
how far you are gone from me
until we are drawn together
in a rush, in a rush of feeling,
flowing in or out, who can tell.

I know that our bones will meet
with a click, like satisfied magnets
ridiculous, but at last,
in the sun-warmed and holy earth.