De Revisor. Jaargang 35

[p. 70]

Samuel Beckett
Watt

They then began to look at one another, and much time passed, before they succeeded in doing so. Not that they looked at one another long, no, they had more sense than that. But when five men look at one another, though in theory only twenty looks are necessary, every man looking four times, yet in practice this number is seldom sufficient, on account of the multitude of looks that go astray. For example, Mr Fitzwein looked at Mr Magershon, on his right. But Mr Magershon is not looking at Mr Fitzwein, on his left, but at Mr O'Meldon, on his right. But Mr O'Meldon is not looking at Mr Magershon, on his left, but, craning forward, at Mr MacStern, on his left but three at the far end of the table. But Mr MacStern is not craning forward looking at Mr O'Meldon, on his right but three at the far end of the table, but is sitting bolt upright looking at Mr de Baker, on his right. [...] Mr de Baker, tired of craning backward looking at Mr Magershon's left ear, and having turned in vain to all the members of the committee with the exception of his left-hand neighbour, has sat forward and is now looking down the dingy corollae of Mr MacStern's right ear. For Mr MacStern, sick and tired of Mr Magershon's left ear, and having no other alternative, is now craning forward contemplating the disgusted, and indeed disgusting, right side of Mr O'Meldon's face. For sure enough Mr O'Meldon, having eliminated all his colleagues with the exception of his immediate neighbour, has sat back and is now considering the boils, the pimples and the blackheads of Mr Magershon's nape. For Mr Magershon, whom Mr de Baker's left ear has ceased to interest, has sat back and is now benefiting, not indeed for the first time that afternoon, but with a new distinctness, by Mr Fitzwein's lunch of kidneybeans. Thus of the five times four or twenty looks taken, no two have met, and all this craning forward and backward and looking to the right and to the left has led to nothing, and for all the progress made by the committee in this matter of looking at itself, its eyes might just as well have been closed, or turned towards heaven. Nor is this all. For now Mr Fitzwein will very likely say, It is a long time since I looked at Mr Magershon, let me look at him again now, perhaps who knows he is looking at me. But Mr Magershon, who it will be remembered has just been looking at Mr Fitzwein, will certainly have turned his head round the other way, to

[p. 71]

look at Mr O'Meldon, in the hope of finding Mr O'Meldon looking at him, for it is a long time since Mr Magershon looked at Mr O'Meldon.

[...]

Now perhaps one of the best methods, whereby a committee may rapidly look at itself, and all the fret and weariness, experienced by committees looking at themselves without method, be averted, is perhaps this, that numbers be given to the members of the committee, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and so on, as many numbers as there are members of the committee, so that every member of the committee has his number, and no number of the committee is unnumbered, and that these numbers be carefully committed to memory by the members of the committee, until every member of the committee knows, with certain knowledge, not only his own number, but the numbers of all the other members of the committee, and that these numbers be allotted to the members of the committee at the moment of its formation, and maintained unchanged until the hour of its dissolution, for if at every successive meeting of the committee a new numeration were to be adopted, untold confusion would ensue (from the changed numeration) and unspeakable disorder.

[...]

Then it will be found that the committee has looked at itself in the shortest possible time, and with the minimum number of looks, that is to say x squared minus x looks if there are x members of the committee, and y squared minus y if there are y.