De Nieuwe Gids. Jaargang 46

[p. 64]

Poems by Lili Green.

Because of you.

Perhaps because you are not real and never did exist, do I so love you dear, can I just tell you all and never tire of you. As a small child you were my fairy prince, as a grown girl, mostly a sprite, a maiden frail, my friend and my true love. Now as a woman, you are oft my child, ideal of mine, wing'd angel-face and all my love. Your image hovereth around me in dream and waking, far, far, unreachable, but always there. In life, because of you, love passes on, no human hold is strong enough, because of you. And passing kindred souls with outstretch'd, trembling hands I often gripp'd and felt their sorrow likewise burn in me. I crav'd to soothe them.... and I fail'd, because of you. I gaz'd on you and, blinded, I could see nought else. I am not sorry.... I do not repent.... because of you I'ld go through all again. You never had compassion, never came you nearer towards me. Far, far away from me, as a bright star from heav'n you shone, you beam'd your wondrous smile and bound me in your mysterious grasp for ever. Inspire me then with beauty, music, poetry and dance and lead me on through life. Perhaps beyond the grave will you come near, where parting is no more. Will you then spread your wings and fold me to your heart, making me one with you?

[p. 65]

 

Only you can make the angels smile,

 

Only you can make time stop a while,

 

Only you can make the wild waves calm,

 

Only you can bring a sad soul balm,

 

Only you can lull my life a dreaming,

 

Only you can make my sorrows seeming,

 

Only you can make all darkness light,

 

Only you can make love's sunrise bright.

 

 

 

Wing'd passion fans thy face, my love,

 

dark'ning the light in thine eyes, my love,

 

in my arms like the trembling weed, my love,

 

art Thou drawn by the current of life, my love,

 

drinking the breath from thy lips, my love,

 

down to the ground, in the endless, my love,

 

let me swoon in awe of my soul, my love.

 

mingling our tears from heaven, my love.

I think of thee in the stillness of the night. I am lonely, beautiful and pale, my body longeth for thine arms to enfold me, my eyes close, overcome by their hunger, my lips are parted with desire and the perfume of my hair surrounds me. My soul is drunk, I am full of love.

I am alone - why, o Lord? Life is waiting. And tears fall from my eyes with longing for thee. There is nothing but the singing of the quiet in my room. Until it seems as if God's angel kisses my forehead and brings me peace and a smile of happiness in my soul.

[p. 66]

 

Waiting with a longing like surge of the sea,

 

waiting - wild clouds chasing over me,

 

waiting - the wind beats the grey day breathless,

 

waiting - my soul heaves on billows restless.

 

O love -

 

Waiting while the dull day passes,

 

waiting in the endless night,

 

waiting - my head moves in torture,

 

waiting - my eyes void of sleep,

 

waiting with the ghosts and shadows

 

shaping you out of the dark.

 

O love -

 

With the first faint daylight-glimmer,

 

Pegasus, o come to me,

 

scatter clouds with thy swift pinions,

 

outrun day with fiery feet,

 

take me to my love, wing'd pilot,

 

If he cannot come to me

 

O love -

 

 

 

To feel thy hands in mine

 

with mine eyes lost in thine

 

and thy lips press'd on mine

 

with my soul drown'd in thine,

 

thine arms enfolding mine,

 

my soul flutt'ring with thine

 

like frighten'd birds to pine

 

for ideals thine and mine.

 

 

[p. 67]

 

My soul was as a little child,

 

you took its garments from it

 

and kept it standing naked, shy,

 

trembling with fear and anger.

 

But then you held it to your breast

 

and kiss'd it warm

 

and made it rest,

 

until it smiled for wonder.

 

 

 

I love you as I love my life,

 

for I'ld be dead without it,

 

I love you as I love the light,

 

for it goes dark without it,

 

I love you as I love the night

 

to long and weep for love,

 

I love you as I love just you

 

with all my soul above.

[p. 68]

Slavery.

Will you not lift the lid, wherewith you cover and oppress me so, and set me free? I cannot breathe, I cannot be myself, my soul is bound, you stifle me. Will you not set me free? I cannot see the sun, nor feel the air. I hate you so - your hands are round my throat, you strangle me. Will you not set me free? You also suffer. I see your grey head bent over the book you read. I pity you. The silence chokes and weighs on us like lead. Will you not set us free? I laugh at you, for I despise you so, you feel it well, I know, you coward of conventionality! Will you not set us free? This hate of ours, it smoulders and it smokes, corrupts the atmosphere, it's poisonous, sure, it will kill us both. Will you not set us free? O, if I could but run from you to liberty, but you will fetch me back. Those hangman's hands about my throat, murder, protected, sanction'd by law... I am afraid.... I fear not death as much as I fear thee.

If thou must go from me, my love, I'll walk with thee unto the threshold of death's gate. We'll make that way together, I'll hold thy hand and watch each flutter of thy face, I'll harken to the whisper of thy soul. And when thou goest beyond me, where I can follow thee no more, I shall not be so sad for I shall know the way we went together.

Remembring thou shalt be with me. And when I'm call'd, I shall not fear, I shall know thou art awaiting me... I shall remember - thou shalt be near to me in death, I'll swiftly pass his shadow unto thee.