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See Emily Play
K. Gerritse
In de inleiding voorafgaande aan haar vertaling van de drie brieven ‘to recipient unknown’ van Emily Dickinson die vanwege de aanhef van twee van de drie brieven ‘The Master letters’ genoemd worden, schrijft de vertaalster Louise van Santen: ‘Ondanks het vele speurwerk van de laatste tientallen jaren blijft het een mysterie wie deze “Master” is geweest.’
Vervolgens vertelt Louise van Santen dat er in de loop van de tijd verschillende kandidaten voor de Meestertitel naar voren zijn geschoven, maar dat ze allemaal weer geseponeerd zijn wegens gebrek aan bewijs, of omdat ze pas na 1860 in het leven van Emily Dickinson kwamen en afvielen nadat de Master letters op grafologische argumenten rond dat jaar 1860 gedateerd konden worden. Louise van Santen vervolgt: ‘Al met al wordt Samuel Bowles de meest waarschijnlijke kandidaat als ontvanger van de “Meester” brieven geacht; toch is ook hier geen enkel concreet bewijs voor te vinden.’
Ik weet niet wat Louise van Santen precies onder een ‘concreet bewijs’ verstaat, maar ik hoop dat het nu volgende substantieel genoeg is om door haar gevat te kunnen worden. We begeven ons in ieder geval naar ijlere sferen. Wie was Emily Dickinson's Master? Laten we het Emily zelf vragen.
1. De aanspreektitel ‘Master’ komt niet alleen in de Master letters voor, maar ook in de gedichten van Emily Dickinson, bijvoorbeeld in (462) - zie bijlage - en in het vierde kwatrijn van het bekende maar blijkbaar nog steeds slecht begrepen (754) dat hier volgt:
754
My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -
The Owner passed - identified -
And now We roam in Sovereign Woods -
And now We hunt the Doe -
And every time I speak for Him -
The Mountains straight reply -
And do I smile, such cordial light
Had let its pleasure through -
And when at Night - Our good Day done -
I guard My Master's Head -
'T is better than the Eider-Duck's
Deep Pillow - to have shared -
To foe of His - I'm deadly foe -
None stir the second time -
On whom I lay a Yellow Eye -
Though I than He - may longer live
He longer must - than I -
For I have but the power to kill,
Without - the power to die -
Het ‘Pompeii’ en ‘Vesuvius’ uit de Master brief die begint met ‘If you saw a bullet hit a Bird’ - brief nummer 233 in de officiële nummering, zie bijlage - doen verdacht veel denken aan ‘Vesuvian face’ uit het derde kwatrijn van (754). De Master uit de brieven is dezelfde als de Master uit de gedichten, is mijn uitgangsstelling. Waarom niet? Tenslotte wordt ook a priori aangenomen dat de Masters uit de verschillende brieven dezelfde persoon aanduiden. Je moet èrgens beginnen.
2. In sommige van de gedichten van Emily Dickinson worden sensaties beschreven die we voor het gemak maar even ‘paranormaal’ of ‘mystiek’ zullen noemen, ‘psychotisch’, zo u wilt. Ik noem in de gauwigheid drie soorten:
| a) | plotseling opwellende hevige geluksgevoelens, gepaard gaande met het horen van innerlijke muziek en het intenser gewaar worden van de kleuren van de natuur. ‘And do I smile, such cordial light upon the Valley glow’ (754)
(Het beeld is de lichtflits uit de loop van het schietende geweer.) ‘It is as a Vesuvian face had let its pleasure throug’ (754)
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(Het beeld is de vulkaaneruptie. Moedertaal schiet meestal tekort in het uitdrukken van mystieke ervaringen, daarom moeten symbolen gebruikt worden. Emily Dickinson gebruikte bestaande symbolen - de vulkaaneruptie - maar vond ook nieuwe symbolen in haar directe omgeving - het afgaan van een geweer als symbool voor de ontlading van de extase.) |
| b) | geestelijke reizen.
‘And now We roam in Sovereign Woods’ (754) |
| c) | de aanwezigheid voelen van een soort onzichtbare persoonlijkheid. In (754) komt dit aspect niet aan de orde, de onzichtbare wordt hier juist geconcretiseerd in de persoon van de jager, maar in (436) wel: |
436
The Wind - tapped like a tired Man -
And like a Host - ‘Come in’
I boldly answered - entered then
A Rapid - footless Guest -
Were as impossible as hand
No Bone had He to bind Him -
His Speech was like the Push
Of numerous Humming Birds at once
His Countenance - a Billow -
His Fingers, as he passed
Let go a music - as of tunes
Blown tremulous in Glass -
He visited - still flitting -
Again, He tapped - 'twas flurriedly -
Het lijkt de beschrijving van een kortstondige illusie te zijn: het is de wind, en anders niet. Maar misschien zit er meer achter. Verderop in dit artikel zal een explicieter voorbeeld van de onzichtbare bezoeker getoond worden.
3. In de gedichten van Emily Dickinson is niet alleen sprake van een onzichtbare bezoeker, maar ook van een geestelijke bruidegom. Zo ook in (754):
‘And when at Night - Our good Day done - I guard My Master's Head’ (geestelijk huwelijk met Master)
‘'Tis better than the Eider-Duck's Deep Pillow - to have shared’ (in tegenstelling tot wereldlijk huwelijksbed.)
Ook het ‘carried Me away’ uit het eerste kwatrijn van (754) doet denken aan een bruidegom die zijn bruid draagt (over de drempel van zijn huis). De geestelijke bruidegom is, in mijn visie, dezelfde als de onzichtbare bezoeker, wiens aanwezigheid de dichteres soms voelt. Als hij haar 's nachts bezoekt slaan haar depressies om in religieuze extases, bijvoorbeeld beschreven in (249):
249
Wild Nights - Wild Nights!
Might I but moor - Tonight -
Wie kan de geestelijke bruidegom anders zijn dan Jezus? Hij wordt genoemd in (85):
85
‘They have not chosen me,’ he said,
‘But I have chosen them!’
Brave - Broken hearted statement -
I could not have told it,
Het is mij (nog) niet geheel duidelijk welke ‘dishonor’ hier precies bedoeld wordt, het citaat is in ieder geval een verwijzing naar Johannes 15 vers 16. Maar wat in dit verband interessanter is: Jezus wordt hier ‘Sovereign’ genoemd, al lijkt op het eerste gezicht misschien het tegendeel het geval te zijn. Maar in de voorlaatste regel wordt het gezichtspunt van het gedicht verplaatst. Aanvankelijk wordt over Jezus gesproken, maar als zijn naam valt richt de dichteres haar blik omhoog en roept hem aan: Sovereign! Zulke perspectiefveranderingen komen vaker voor in de gedichten van Emily Dickinson, bijvoorbeeld in (1515) - zie bijlage.
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Jezus wordt hier dus ‘Sovereign’ genoemd. Sovereign = Master. Vergelijk ook: ‘And now we roam in Sovereign Woods’ (754). Bovendien, en dit argument is voor mij doorslaggevend: de ‘Ik’ uit (85) noemt zich ‘Daisy’, net als de ‘Ik’ uit de Master letters! Voila! Jezus = Master en Daisy = Emily. Quod erat demonstrandum.
4. De mystici zijn het natuurlijk allang met me eens, de sceptici wijs ik
op (235) waar ook sprake is van ‘Sovereign’;
op (317) waarin Jezus als onzichtbare bezoeker beschreven wordt;
op (487) waarin de ik-persoon een ‘brief’ naar haar ‘Lord’ stuurt. ‘Brief’ is hier symbool voor ‘gebed’, dus de term ‘Master letter’ is niet slecht gekozen, achteraf gezien;
op (461) en (817) waarin tevens sprake is van een geestelijke bruidegom.
(Zie bijlagen.)
5. De Master letters zijn dus geen briefconcepten, zoals altijd gedacht is, maar prozagedichten, of gedichten in gebedsvorm. Ook wat dit betreft is Emily Dickinson dus slecht begrepen. In haar nalatenschap zaten de Master letters tussen de manuscripten van haar gedichten en niet tussen haar wereldlijke correspondentiepaperassen, maar niemand ‘took the clue divine’ so far.
6. Was Emily Dickinson schizofreen? Of Jezus ‘echt’ bestaat en zich manifesteert, of dat we Emily's sensaties als projecties van een overontwikkeld Ueber-Ich of als regressies naar infantiele, magische denkmethodes op moeten vatten, mag de lezer voor zichzelf beslissen.
7. Literatuur:
| 1) | Emily Dickinson - The Complete Poems - ISBN 0 571 09087 7 en ISBN 0 571 10864 4 |
| 2) | Emily Dickinson - Selected Letters - ISBN 0 674 25060 5 |
| 3) | Emily Dickinson - ‘Meester’ brieven, vertaald en bezorgd door Louise van Santen - ISBN 90 6801 144 8. |
8. Noot:
‘See Emily Play’ is een citaat van Syd Barrett, de ‘legendarische’ oprichter van de popgroep Pink Floyd die na één elpee wegens ‘Madness’ dan wel ‘Divinest Sense’ zijn eigen groep werd uitgegooid. Daarna heeft Syd Barrett nog een paar solo-elpee's gemaakt, en daarna heeft hij zich uit de wereld teruggetrokken, alleen benaderbaar voor enkele familieleden.
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Bijlagen
462
Why make it doubt - it hurts it so -
So brave - upon its little Bed
To tell the very last They said
Unto Itself - and smile - And shake -
For that dear - distant - dangerous - Sake
But - the Instead - the Pinching fear
That Something - it did do - or dare -
Offend the Vision - and it flee -
And They no more remember me -
Nor ever turn to tell me why -
Oh, Master, This is Misery -
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235
My Sovereign is offended -
To gain his grace - I'd die!
I'll seek his royal feet -
I'll say - Remember - King -
Thou shalt - thyself - one day - a Child -
Implore a larger - thing -
That Empire - is of Czars -
As small - they say - as I -
Grant me - that day - the royalty -
To intercede - for Thee -
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317
Then - on divinest tiptoe - standing -
Might He but spy the lady's soul -
It will be ample time for - me -
Patient - upon the steps - until then -
Heart! I am knocking - low at thee.
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487
You love the Lord - you cannot see -
You write Him - every day -
A little note - when you awake -
An Ample Letter - How you miss -
And would delight to see -
But then His House - is but a Step -
And Mine's - in Heaven - You see.
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461
A Wife - at Daybreak I shall be -
Sunrise - Hast thou a Flag for me?
At Midnight, I am but a Maid,
How short it takes to make a Bride -
Then - Midnight, I have passed from thee
Unto the East, and Victory -
Midnight - Good Night! I hear them call,
The Angels bustle in the Hall -
Softly my Future climbs the Stair,
I fumble at my Childhood's prayer
So soon to be a Child no more -
Eternity, I'm coming - Sir,
Savior - I've seen the face - before!
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817
Given in Marriage unto Thee
Bride of the Father and the Son
Other Betrothal shall dissolve -
Only the Keeper of this Ring
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187
To recipient unknown about 1858
Dear Master
I am ill, but grieving more that you are ill, I make my stronger hand work long eno' to tell you. I thought perhaps you were in Heaven, and when you spoke again, it seemed quite sweet, and wonderful, and surprised me so - I wish that you were well.
I would that all I love, should be weak no more. The Violets are by my side, the Robin very near, and ‘Spring’ - they say, Who is she - going by the door -
Indeed it is God's house - and these are gates of Heaven, and to and fro, the angels go, with their sweet postillions - I wish that I were great, like Mr. Michael Angelo, and could paint for you. You ask me what my flowers said - then they were disobedient - I gave them messages. They said what the lips in the West, say, when the sun goes down, and so says the Dawn.
Listen again, master. I did not tell you that today had been the Sabbath Day.
Each Sabbath on the Sea, makes me count the Sabbaths, till we meet on shore - and (will the) whether the hills will look as blue as the sailors say. I cannot talk any more (stay any longer) tonight (now), for this pain denies me.
How strong when weak to recollect, and easy, quite, to love. Will you tell me, please to tell me, soon as you are well.
Manuscript: AC. Ink.
Publication: Home 431-432.
This draft was left among ED's own papers, and no one knows whether a fair copy was made or sent to the person addressed. That it was meant as a reply to one from him is shown by the allusion to his question. She may have had the Reverend Charles Wadsworth in mind as ‘Master.’
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233
To recipient unknown about 1861
Master.
If you saw a bullet hit a Bird - and he told you he was'nt shot - you might weep at his courtesy, but you would certainly doubt his word.
One drop more from the gash that stains your Daisy's bosom - then would you believe? Thomas' faith in Anatomy, was stronger than his faith in faith. God made me - [Sir] Master - I did'nt be - myself. I dont know how it was done. He built the heart in me - Bye and bye it outgrew me - and like the little mother - with the big child - I got tired holding him. I heard of a thing called ‘Redemption’ - which rested men and women. You remember I asked you for it - you gave me something else. I forgot the Redemption [in the Redeemed - I did'nt tell you for a long time, but I knew you had altered me - I] and was tired - no more - [so dear did this stranger become that were it, or my breath - the Alternative - I had tossed the fellow away with a smile.] I am older - tonight, Master - but the love is the same - so are the moon and the crescent. If it had been God's will that I might breathe where you breathed - and find the place - myself - at night - if I (can) never forget that I am not with you - and that sorrow and frost are nearer than I - if I wish with a might I cannot repress - that mine were the Queen's place - the love of the Plantagenet is my only apology - To come nearer than presbyteries - and nearer than the new Coat - that the Tailor made - the prank of the Heart at play on the Heart - in holy Holiday - is forbidden me - You make me say it over - I fear you laugh - when I do not see - [but] ‘Chillon’ is not funny. Have you the Heart in your breast - Sir - is it set like mine - a little to the left - has it the misgiving - if it wake in the night - perchance - itself to it - a timbrel is it - itself to it a tune?
These things are [reverent] holy, Sir, I touch them [reverently] hallowed, but persons who pray - dare remark [our] ‘Father’! You say I do not tell you all - Daisy confessed - and denied not.
Vesuvius dont talk - Etna - dont - [Thy] one of them - said a syllable - a thousand years ago, and Pompeii heard it, and hid forever - She could'nt look the world in the face, afterward - I suppose - Bashfull Pompeii! ‘Tell you of the want’ - you know what a leech is, dont you - and [remember that] Daisy's arm is small - and you have felt the horizon hav'nt you - and did the sea - never come so close as to make you dance?
I dont know what you can do for it - thank you - Master - but if I had the Beard on my cheek - like you - and you - had Daisy's petals - and you cared so for me - what would become of you? Could
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you forget me in fight, or flight - or the foreign land? Could'nt Carlo, and you and I walk in the meadows an hour - and nobody care but the Bobolink - and his - a silver scruple? I used to think when I died - I could see you - so I died as fast as I could - but the ‘Corporation’ are going Heaven too so [Eternity] wont be sequestered - now [at all] - Say I may wait for you - say I need go with no stranger to the to me - untried [country] fold - I waited a long time - Master - but I can wait more - wait till my hazel hair is dappled - and you carry the cane - then I can look at my watch - and if the Day is too far declined - we can take the chances [of] for Heaven - What would you do with me if I came ‘in white?’ Have you the little chest to put the Alive - in?
I want to see you more - Sir - than all I wish for in this world - and the wish - altered a little - will be my only one - for the skies.
Could you come to New England - [this summer - could] would you come to Amherst - Would you like to come - Master?
[Would it do harm - yet we both fear God -] Would Daisy disappoint you - no - she would'nt - Sir - it were comfort forever - just to look in your face, while you looked in mine - then I could play in the woods till Dark - till you take me where Sundown cannot find us - and the true keep coming - till the town is full. [Will you tell me if you will?]
I did'nt think to tell you, you did'nt come to me ‘in white,’ nor ever told me why,
No Rose, yet felt myself a'bloom,
No Bird - yet rode in Ether.
Manuscript: AC. Ink. Words which ED crossed out are here enclosed in brackets; alternative readings are in parentheses.
Publication: L (1894) 422-423, six sentences only, and dated 1885; L (1931) 411, six sentences only, and dated ‘early 60's’ Home 422-430, entire, with facsimile in full.
For an earlier ‘Master’ letter, see no. 187. The handwriting is the only clue to the date. This rough draft was left among ED's own papers, and no one knows whether a fair copy was made or sent to the person envisioned as the recipient.
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248
To recipient unknown early 1862?
Oh, did I offend it - [Did'nt it want me to tell it the truth] Daisy - Daisy - offend it - who bends her smaller life to his (it's) meeker (lower) every day - who only asks - a task - [who] something to do for love of it - some little way she cannot guess to make that master glad -
A love so big it scares her, rushing among her small heart - pushing aside the blood and leaving her faint (all) and white in the gust's arm -
Daisy - who never flinched thro' that awful parting, but held her life so tight he should not see the wound - who would have sheltered him in her childish bosom (Heart) - only it was'nt big eno' for a Guest so large - this Daisy - grieve her Lord - and yet it (she) often blundered - Perhaps she grieved (grazed) his taste - perhaps her odd - Backwoodsman [life] ways [troubled] teased his finer nature (sense). Daisy [fea] knows all that - but must she go unpardoned - teach her, preceptor grace - teach her majesty - Slow (Dull) at patrician things - Even the wren upon her nest learns (knows) more than Daisy dares -
Low at the knee that bore her once unto [royal] wordless rest [now] Daisy [stoops a] kneels a culprit - tell her her [offence] fault - Master - if it is [not so] small eno' to cancel with her life, [Daisy] she is satisfied - but punish [do not] dont banish her - shut her in prison, Sir - only pledge that you will forgive - sometime - before the grave, and Daisy will not mind - She will awake in [his] your likeness.
Wonder stings me more than the Bee - who did never sting me - but made gay music with his might wherever I [may] [should] did go - Wonder wastes my pound, you said I had no size to spare -
You send the water over the Dam in my brown eyes -
I've got a cough as big as a thimble - but I dont care for that - I've got a Tomahawk in my side but that dont hurt me much. [If you] Her master stabs her more -
Wont he come to her - or will he let her seek him, never minding [whatever] so long wandering [out] if to him at last.
Oh how the sailor strains, when his boat is filling - Oh how the dying tug, till the angel comes. Master - open your life wide, and take me in forever, I will never be tired - I will never be noisy when you want to be still. I will be [glad] [as the] your best little girl - nobody else will see me, but you - but that is enough - I shall not want any more - and all that Heaven only will disappoint me - will be because it's not so dear.
Manuscript: AC. Penciled rough draft.
Publication: Home 430-431.
The alternative suggested changes are placed in parentheses; words crossed out, in brackets. Like the earlier ‘Master’ letters (nos. 187 and 233) this draft was among ED's papers at the time of her death. Whether a fair copy was made and sent, or intended to be sent, is not known. Accurate dating is impossible. The letter may have been written earlier, but the characteristics of the handwriting make the present assignment reasonable.
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1545
The Bible is an antique Volume -
At the suggestion of Holy Spectres -
Eden - the ancient Homestead -
Judas - the Great Defaulter -
Sin - a distinguished Precipice
Boys that ‘believe’ are very lonesome -
Had but the Tale a warbling Teller -
All the Boys would come -
Orpheus' Sermon captivated -
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