Briefwisseling en aantekeningen. Deel 2

[p. 119]

397
Willem Bentinck aan de gravin van Portland

[B.M., Eg. 1714]

Aken, 28 juli 1748

(Zal gaarne uw mening over Favel¹⁾ horen. Behoeft haar mening over Allamand²⁾ niet et horen. Loftuitingen over Allamand. Zal haar alles over zijn eigen zaken schrijven. Schemmel is ongesteld geweest). Both he and I have had our hands very full of business. He will be here, I believe, at the end of this week; and I imagine I shall be forced to go to The Hague for a couple of days, towards the same time tho' I am not quite sure of it. All turns entirely here upon me: and as I do everything myself, because it is sooner and more exactly done by myself than it can be explained by me to another, and that I never employ a secretary but to copy, I have as much to do as can take me entirely up.

I don't say this to look important³⁾, but because it is actually; and as in affairs of consequence I have the trust and confidence of the Prince, I make myself a point of honour as well as duty to do things as exactly as possible, and so as to be able to justify myself, if necessary, to the whole world. I grow every day more nice and touchy on point of reputation; and the more so, because I have been sometimes exposed by others without any fault of mine. Apologys are nothing, and are never minded by people that know the world: and the only good one is going on in the same principles; and at a long run truth makes its own way. I don't care for any reputation, but what I know I deserve, and that I am very jealous of. I know I am hated by some, envy'd by others; both without reason; but I hope to scramble thro'it all.

I reckon when these affairs at Aix are once ended, I have play'd my part and if I am to continue on the stage, or come upon it anew, it must be on a new score. I have already prepared people

1) Sedert 1747 gouverneur van Bentincks zoons. Hij had met de beide jongens een uitstapje naar Engeland gemaakt, waarbij Allamand hen vergezelde. Van Huffel, p. 148.

2) Jean Nicolas Sébastien Allamand, een Zwitser, eerst huisonderwijzer bij 's-Gravesande, later hoogleraar te Leiden. Hij hield mede toezicht op Bentincks zoons.

3) Onderstreping in het origineel.

[p. 120]

for this, and shall stick to my point. For it would quite impossible for me to continue for the future, as I have now done above a year, in continual business and anxiety occasioned by my affection for the people. I am sincerely attached to, as well as for the publick, and for my own honour. So that I have not had time in a whole year to read any thing for my diversion of any consequence, nor to follow any of the amusements that used to divert me, and would still. The letting of my house⁴⁾ to the Prince will ease me much in my affairs, which is a great point. (Zal zo geld krijgen om mijn schulden af te betalen).

4) Bentinck had zijn huishouding aan het Voorhout te 's-Gravenhage opgebroken, Van Huffel, p. 148. In een brief van 6 augustus schreef Schemmel (zie Bentinck I, p. 256) uit Aken aan de gravin, dat de financiële positie van Bentinck niet rooskleurig was.